Divorce jokes

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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Rating: 3.0 |

Two men are talking. The first sez, "I got married because I was tired
of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing
shabby clothes."

"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same
reasons."

Rating: 1.2 |

Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days
who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce,
they keep the house.

Rating: 3.2 |

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."

To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Rating: 2.6 |

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the
house. He got the outside.

Rating: 2.6 |

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